After 25 years of being told that sex is something dangerous that needs to be controlled, the transition to married (and sexual) life is difficult, at best, while leaving men without the support they need. Women, meanwhile, are often left out of the conversation entirely. So when we urge abstinence in place of healthy conversations about sex and sexuality, we may be undermining the relationships that are the driving goal of these commitments in the first place. Gagnon Home, articles available Online, response to book reviews, material for "Two Views material for "Christian Sexuality answers to Emails, college Materials Robert. If you need a free pdf reader, click here. For online links to audio or video presentations. Gagnon on the bible and homosexuality click here and scroll down.
Same sex marriage essays
Its a double standard thats in line with longstanding cultural ideals of the relationship between femininity and purity. But its a contradiction that leaves men unwilling to open up to the very women theyre having sex with. These married men and women were not talking to each other about sex. Rather than freely discussing zone sex or temptation with their wives (as they had done with their accountability partners the men simply tried to suppress temptation by imagining the devastation any sexual deviations might cause their wives. After marriage, the men felt left to their own devices. 'couple' via m Second, these men could no longer reach out to their support networks due to their own ideals of masculinity. They had been promised a sacred gift: a sexually active, happy marriage. Yet many werent fully satisfied, as evidenced by the continued tension between the sacred and beastly. However, to open up about these continued struggles would be to admit failure as masculine, christian man. In the end, the research indicates that a pledge of sexual abstinence works to uphold an ideal of masculinity that disadvantages both men and women.
In 2011, i followed up with them. All but one had gotten married. But while the transition to married life brought promises of enjoying their sacred gift from God, this gift was fraught. Respondents reported that they still struggled with the beastly elements of sexuality. They also had the added concern of extramarital affairs. Furthermore and perhaps most importantly men no longer had the support to work through these temptations. There were two reasons behind this development. First, respondents had been told, since they were young, that women were nonsexual. At the same time, these men had also been taught summary that their wives would be available for their pleasure.
While these behaviors may seem unusual, they work in ways that allow men to actually assert their masculinity. Through what sociologist Amy wilkins calls collective performances of temptation, these men are able to discuss just how difficult it is to refrain from the beastly urges; in this way, they reinforce the norm that they are highly sexual men, even in the absence. The river, as a support group, works largely in the same way. These men are able to confirm their sexual desires in a homosocial space similar to kimmels research in guyland from which Kimmel notes that the actual experience of sex pales in comparison to the experience of talking about sex. A sacred gift with mixed returns The men of The river believed that the time and work required to maintain these pledges would pay off in the form of a happy and healthy marriage. Ciara, in discussing her commitment to abstinence with Russell Wilson, similarly added that she believes such a promise is important for creating a foundation of love and friendship. She stated that, if we have that base that strong, we can conquer anything with our love. So what happened once after the men of The river got married?
And it is precisely because of these so-called beastly elements that these men find each other in the same space every week. The men of The river grappled with pornography use, masturbation, lust and same-sex desire, all of which can potentially derail these men from their pledge. It raises an interesting dilemma: to these men, sex is both sacred and beastly. Yet the way they navigate this seeming contradiction actually allows them to exert their masculinity in line with the demands of guyland. Group members had an elaborate network of accountability partners to help them resist temptations. For example, one had an accountability partner who viewed his weekly online browsing history to make sure he wasnt looking at pornography. Another accountability partner texted him each night to make sure that he and his girlfriend were behaving.
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Still, some in the United States are making virginity pledges, and commit to abstinence until marriage. Most of the data that exist on this practice show that those who make the pledges will do so in high school, often by either signing a pledge card or donning a purity ring. Research on this population tells us a few things: that those who pledge are more likely to be young women, and that regardless of gender an abstinence pledge delays the onset of sexual activity by only 18 months. Furthermore, taking a virginity pledge will often encourage other types of sexual behavior. Virgins in guyland, but little is known about men who pledge and navigate this commitment to abstinence.
I was curious about how men maintain pledges in light of these statistics, and also balance them with expectations about masculinity. So in 2008, i began researching a support group of 15 men at an evangelical church in the southwest. All members were white, in their early to mid-20s, single or casually dating and supporting each other in their decisions to remain abstinent until marriage. The group, called The river, met once a week, where, sitting on couches, eating pizza or talking about video games, theyd eventually gravitate toward the topic that brought them all together in the first place: sex. On the surface, it would seem impossible for these men to participate in what sociologist Michael Kimmel calls, guyland a developmental and social stage driven by a guy code that demands, among other things, sexual conquest and detached intimacy. Rather, the men of The river approach sex as something sacred, a gift from God meant to be enjoyed in the confines of the marriage bed. At the same time, these men struggle with what they describe as the beastly elements essay or temptations of sexuality.
Wilson, an accomplished, attractive athlete, embodies contemporary ideals of masculinity, which include style, wealth and, yes, sexual prowess. So how does a man like russell Wilson navigate a commitment to abstinence while upholding ideals of masculinity? Wilsons status as an athlete and heartthrob is likely giving him what sociologist cj pascoe calls jock insurance. In other words, due to his celebrity status, he can make traditionally nonmasculine choices without having his masculinity questioned. But what does it mean for a man who isnt in the limelight, who makes a similar type of commitment to abstinence? And what does it mean for the women they date, and might eventually marry?
Ive been researching men who pledge sexual abstinence since 2008, work that comes out of a larger scholarly interest in masculinities, religion and sex education. While men make this commitment with the good intentions for a fulfilling marriage and sex life, my research indicates that the beliefs about sexuality and gender that come hand in hand with these pledges of abstinence do not necessarily make for an easy transition. Comedian joy behar recently joked that abstinence is what you do after youve been married for a long time. Here, behar makes two assumptions. One is that sexual activity declines both with age and the time spent in a relationship. The second is that abstinence is not something you do before marriage. For the most part, this is true as well : by age 21, 85 of men and 81 of women in the United States have engaged in sexual intercourse. Bibleknowledge/wikimedia commons, cc by-sa, if we compare these numbers to the average age of first marriage in the United States 27 for women, and 29 for men we get the picture: most people are having sex before marriage.
Same, sex, marriage
And this argument is about allowing people to have the right to make that commitment, even if it doesn't make sense to you. Anything else falls under the category of "separate but equal" and we know how that works out. The support of legalizing gay marriage is in no way meant to change the ideals of the section of Christians who believe that homosexuality is a sin. But we should refuse to let other people's ideals shape the way we live our lives. Each of us has a short ride on this earth and as long as we stay in our lane, and don't affect someone else's ride, we should be shredder allowed to drive as we see fit. Seattle seahawks quarterback russell Wilson and his girlfriend, the singer ciara, recently announced plans to remain sexually abstinent until marriage. It was a vow that came as a surprise to many. After all, sexual purity is a commitment that is historically expected of, associated with even demanded of women. However, sexual abstinence is not something assumed of men, especially men like russell Wilson.
I'm writing about basic civil rights. We've been here before, fighting for the rights of African Americans or women to vote, or the rights of Jewish Americans to worship as they see fit. And, just as whites fought for African Americans or Christians for Jewish Americans, straight people must stand up and be a voice for gay people. I've heard it said before, many times, that if two men or two women are allowed to join into a civil union together, why can't they be happy with that and why is it so important that they call it marriage? In essence, what's in a name? A civil union has to do with death. It's essentially a document that gives you lower taxes and the right to let your faux spouse collect your insurance when you pass away. A marriage is about life. It's about a commitment.
the holy land of marriage while a gay christian is not, shows that this law is arbitrary. Are we to believe that anyone who doesn't live their life according to the king James Bible isn't protected by the same laws that protect those who do? Using the same argument that i've seen on the 700 Club, that would mean that Jewish, hindu, or Muslim weddings are also null and void. I believe that to deny this right to the gay population is to say to them, "this god is not your god and he doesn't love you." There isn't one person who is against gay marriage that can give me a reason why it shouldn't. Still, i'm amazed at the audacity of a small, misdirected group of the ultra-conservative christian right wing, to spend millions of dollars, in a recession, on advertisements to stop two men or women who love each other from being able to be married, but when. Isn't it funny that the people who are the quickest to take someone's basic rights to happiness are always the loudest to scream when someone attacks their right to do so? But this isn't a paper about religion. How could it be? Since we clearly have a separation of church and state, how could a conversation about laws have anything to do with religion at all?
Why can't my gay friends be as happily married as my wife and I? It seemed simple to me, but let me start off by telling you a series of things that I believe to be true: i am a person who believes that people are born gay. I don't think you have any control over what moves you or to whom you're attracted. That's why it's called an attraction and not a choice. I believe that America is a great nation of even greater people. I also believe that anyone who says that this is a "Christian nation" has rhs, or revisionist history syndrome, and doesn't realize that most of our founding fathers were either atheist or at least could see, even in the 1700s, that all through Europe. (I also find it funny when people point out to me that it says "one nation under god" in our pledge of allegiance, not realizing that this was an addition made in 1954 during the communism scare plan of the McCarthy era.
Same sex marriages essays - writing Custom Term Papers
I am a straight man, with a big gay chip on my shoulder. A while back on my, twitter page (yes, i know how ridiculous it sounds i mentioned that, if I believed in the devil, pat Robertson might be him. Being a fairly liberal-leaning guy with either liberal friends or Republican and Christian friends who don't believe that being one has anything to do with the other, i was surprised at how many people took offense to what I had to say. These people weren't friends. Robertson but friends, apparently, of God. They had "spoken" with him and he had assured them that he was no friend of the gays. He list also told them that he loved America more than any other country and was a huge fan of, dancing With the Stars. The small controversy or "Twitter-versy" (patent on phrase pending) all started when I had made the mistake of asking why two people of the same sex shouldn't be able to make the same life-long commitment and (more importantly) under the same god, as straight people.